#13: Cooking up better conversations
We need good conversations like we need nourishing sustenance. Here’s why and how to make communication at work better.
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We need to talk about talking. Before we start sounding like a BT ad, we’ll be the first to admit that conversations at work aren’t always good, easy or productive. Not to mention with many of us having spent over a year conversing mostly through screens, the art of conversation has become more about perfectly timing a sequence of muting and unmuting than anything else.
As social animals, good communication is arguably as vital to us as nutritional sustenance, and is certainly essential for a healthy work culture. So this issue we’re talking about conversations at work through the universal medium of food (hope you’ve had your lunch). We share three types of conversations we think everyone should be having and the tools and resources to make them better.
Here’s to a healthy appetite,
Yumi & Milly
Cooking up better conversations
Conversations. They can come in many shapes, sizes and flavours. From quippy slack snacks to coma-inducing three course meetings. Not all can be fulfilling or quite hit the spot, but like good cooking, good conversation can be learnt. Here we explore three types of work conversations that we think everyone should consider adding to their repertoire.
Difficult conversations
Having difficult conversations at work is like eating all those superfoods that we know are ‘good’ for us in the long run, but are pretty unpleasant in the moment. The can of worms we really don’t want to open but we know we should. From telling a manager that you don’t feel supported to giving a colleague some honest feedback. These types of discussions are usually hard because they hold an element of risk - be it of being vulnerable ourselves or upsetting someone else.
There’s value in considering whether an issue is just temporary and will blow over (in which case a good old fashioned rant to a friend might do the job) but if there’s a more systemic or recurring challenge, have that conversation. To help bite the bullet, remember that these types of conversations are often the best way to unblock aspects of work holding us back. In short: eat the kale, have the conversation.
Deeper conversations
The deep conversation is like grandma’s chicken soup; it feeds our soul. According to Psyche, ‘meaningful conversations allow you to better understand something important about yourself, the other person or the world’ - giving us an opportunity for self-expression and to build trust.
Importantly, deeper conversations aren’t reliant on having ‘work friends’ and in fact initiating them can actually lead to closer bonds - as the ‘Fast Friends Procedure’ experiment showed. Create opportunities for these types of conversations to arise - whether that’s through drinks or donuts, and keep the rule of reciprocity in mind - where each person takes turns to share a personal aspect of themselves and actively listens when the other person does the same. Think peeling off layers, think onions.
Democratic conversations
It would be unfair to expect the same people to host every meal, likewise carrying every conversation or team meeting is a burden that shouldn’t be placed on the same shoulders day in day out.
While some people might naturally be better cooks or conversationalists, we can still create ways to make sure everyone around the table contributes. Whether that’s a case of taking it in turns for everyone to ‘host’ calls, exploring the practice of sociociracy, or giving everyone training so they feel confident in facilitating workshops. Enabling democratic conversations gives those most likely to carry conversations a break, and those more likely to shy into the background, an opportunity to talk. Call it tapas, a picnic or a bring-your-own-dish party, sharing is caring.
For more effective communication
Psychological Safety Assessment
2-minute test
Psychological safety plays a vital role in encouraging healthy conversations. Do you feel like you can bring up tough conversations with your team? Are your unique skills 1valued? This assessment will give an insight into how safe you feel as a team.Officevibe
Team software
If your one-on-one’s sometimes make you wonder what’s the point - we get you, we’ve all been there. No software is a silver bullet but it sure can help. Officevibe helps to gather feedback, structure conversations, and help managers grow.
Spoke
Software
Spoke transcribes all video conversations. We’re down for anything that saves on pointless admin and helps to focus on the conversation at hand.The art of meaningful conversation by TED Talks
Playlist
We all talk but do you know how to do it well? TED Talks collated advice from some of the biggest experts in their fields, who all give insight on how to become better at communicating.
For tricky talks
You’re inching me out episode from How’s Work by Esther Perel
50-minute podcast
Esther Perel is a clinical psychologist and one of our favourite people to listen to. In her new podcast series, Perel examines workplace dynamics through one-off therapy sessions with coworkers, co-founders and colleagues. This episode seemed particularly relevant. Two friends, one shared business, and an attempt to reconcile their differences.8 Ways to Get a Difficult Conversation Back on Track by Harvard Business Review
7-minute read
Sometimes it all gets out of control. In which case, a few handy techniques up your sleeve for getting back on track might make all the difference.Getting feedback by Liz and Mollie
2-minute cheat sheet
If receiving feedback for your next appraisal feels you with a sense of dread, it doesn’t have to be this way. While critical feedback can be discomforting at first, it’s also a way to improve. And it’s also just one person’s opinion ;)
For more eloquence
Speeko
An app
This one is for all the diligent ones out there who might want a bit of speaking practice. Record yourself and get feedback on how you sound, calm your nerves and even chat to a coach one-on-one to improve your delivery.Clarity and Impact by Jon Moon
A book, a course and a few other formats available
As the title suggests, this is a practical guide on how to communicate with clarity and impact (especially, in written form). It will make you see words, charts, and tables in a new light. Goodbye bullet points, hello easy-to-read text!
And for a different perspective
What are you interested in learning about? Is there something you want to talk to your team or your manager about and don’t know how to? We might be able to help. Drop your questions via the button below or check out our Library of resources.
Great information on conversation! It's very helpful. You may also be interested in:
Communication Insights From Movies
Four Films To Help You Communicate Better
https://moviewise.substack.com/p/communication-insights-from-movies